Sunday, June 26, 2011

Turning Sand Into Pearls

An oyster will protect itself from a single grain of sand invading it. In doing so, it turns the sand  into a pearl. 

A few years ago I dealt with a bully. She tormented me because of jealousy. I was in a corner because I wanted to take higher ground and not react to her foolishness. The most I did was slam a door in her face. I got a lot of satisfaction from that, but in the interest of maintaining a professional demeanor I sacrificed a part of myself. I'd thought I'd gotten over that experience, but recently a new bully has entered the picture, and is making me relive it all over again. It's also making me realize that I must not repeat the passive mistakes of the past.

When bad things happen, sometimes there is a lesson to be learned from it. If you don't learn the lesson, then you may be put to the test again. It's time to turn sand into pearls. 

Just one month ago this new bully - another woman - told me how much she liked me and was sorry for her past behavior. She said through crocodile tears "if I ever had a daughter I'd want her to be like you." She gave me an "I'm sorry" card, and an "I'm sorry" Starbucks gift card. When I tried to give it back, she refused. I accepted her apology, gave her a clean slate and just wanted to move forward. Well, I just threw those "I'm sorry" tokens out. 
There was no moving forward. Things deteriorated from there. Instead of dealing with more lies and more tears, I made a change to remove myself from any situation where I would encounter her. Instead of being grateful it ended there, she retaliated. She looked me up online and sent me harassing emails via a pen name.


This time I cannot ignore the behavior. Albeit inane, she's verbally attacked me. It's not the intensity with which she called me "a dumb bimbo actress n commercial making idiot." No. I'm concerned with the fact that she went to the trouble to find me online and emailed me at my blog email (though I use a pen name...I gather she really wanted to find me). And the fact that there were three emails in total over the weekend (think: criminal charges).

She had the intent to harass and engaged in harassing behavior. I will not allow myself to feel unsafe with an emotionally and mentally unstable person desperate for my attention.

Whatever comes from me taking action, well, so be it. This situation sucks, but I know something good will come from it. I won't take this lying down. I will not sacrifice my personal safety. There is a lesson to be learned: never let anyone succeed in any attempt to tear you down.

She's tormented other women and no action was taken against her. Just a bunch of documents accumulated in a file.Well no more. At the very least her vicious cycle of behavior will end with me. The growing pains are unwanted, but it's all about perspective. This time I will take the grain of sand that is this experience, and make it into a pearl.