Sunday, April 17, 2011

I'm a Power Puff Girl!

Sometimes I get self conscious about my body. But today I'm having a skinny day. I saw the scale yesterday, and it said I'd lost five pounds. I actually grumbled, called it a liar, got off and kicked it. Then I waited a few seconds, and got back on, staring at the scale like it was not to be trusted.

The result? The same lie. Ok, well, I'll take it! That is actually progress. And even though yesterday, I was having a not-so-skinny day, the scale told me that I was the liar.

Since I started acting I've been very body conscious, then very conscious that I'm body conscious, then fighting negative thoughts... and it's cyclical.

I've come to the realization that I don't really see myself. People who know me in real life consider me to be petite, but I actually think I'm big. I'm pretty tall in my family, all 5'4" of me (did you laugh yet? Cuz I'm serious.) Although I'm not physically tall, I think my spirit is really big, which may be why I think I'm such a giant (again, I'm totally serious).

So being petite, and having curves can be tricky. I love my curves, don't get me wrong, but I have to keep them in check. That's part of why I get all crazy about my size. I see myself on film and I don't seem small. I'm an Amazon woman, for crying out loud!

But then I see myself in the mirror and I'm like, no, there's no-Amazonian-nothing going on here. There's no bigness here. I can fit under a desk, with room to spare in case of any emergency.

Am I really pocket sized?  Am I less Amazon and I more like my Power Puff girl key chain? And if I am, why do I get so stressed out about the bigger sides of my pocket-ness?

I've got to embrace myself and my body, just the way it is. And I also need to be more encouraging to myself. I've been working out, I've been watching what I eat and when I eat. I should congratulate myself instead of yelling at the scale for deceiving me when it is actually telling me the truth.

I guess it's always easier to believe the bad stuff. I must make it my mission to change this, and believe the good stuff.