Sunday, April 17, 2011

Corazón Gitano - Heart of a Gypsy

I've always felt like a bit of gypsy. I'm all untamed curly hair, bracelets adorning my arms, dangling earrings, a tshirt and a long flowing skirt with sandals... But I hardly ever look that way - according to what others have told me. I'm "polished" and "put together," with my hair sleek and straight or pushed back, studs, and nothing too flashy. 

How I see myself versus how I am perceived reflect two complimentary sides of what makes me Me. And I think we all have a little of that duality.

"Tómame como soy..."

Only through my art have I ever allowed myself freedom of expression. But that was just drawing , painting or poetry. Now that the art I've undertaken as an actress requires me to access emotions and expose my vulnerability... I'm struggling with how to reign it all in.

"Yo soy quien elige
Como equivocarme"

At my day job, emotions don't come into play. I am a very sensitive person but I've learned to be callous when duty calls, since I cannot do my job effectively if I empathize with the opposing side. In contrast, when it comes to acting I have to allow myself to be moved, and to move others. 

It takes a lot to turn the switch on and off. So much happened over the past ten days (I promise to give you the details later), between work and partaking in two different projects. I had the fabulous experience of interviewing Judge Edwin Torres as part of an indie movie promo (for which I put in an extraordinary amount of time preparing for and executing) and my role as a nurse in this NYU film (a supporting role that I had so much fun doing).

¿Dime quién camina
Cuando se puede volar?

It was a roller coaster - but if you exit the ride with tears. It was good and bad, good and bad... and I couldn't have made it trough without the support of my family and my Che. They were all really understanding that I could not spend time with them. I was stretching myself thin, so much so that I actually had no time to blog or go online; take my mom to the doctor; take care of Che who was sick; see my sisters face; exercise; or sleep a full night. I did make time for a few quick phone calls while at the office, but even that was a lot for me to do, because I really had to bang out a full eight hours worth of billing each day. 

Mom, Che and Shine ran lines with me. Sorayu called me for five seconds to see if I was alive because I hadn't called her at all. But that's the only contact I had with those people while I was working my ass off. And with so much going on, its not easy to keep my emotions in check - especially if you don't really have an outlet or someone who understands (if there was any week I needed to blog just for the catharsis it provides, it was definitely last week).

"Algo pude entender
De tanto que tropiezo
Ya sé como caer"

Despite the ups and downs it's been unforgettable and such a learning experience. I think I should clarify, I'm not complaining - on the contrary - I'm really thrilled that I got to do what I love. I'm just letting you all know that it was a whirlwind. And it was not an easy task balancing my gypsy heart with my corporate exterior, without the lines blurring. 

Nevertheless, I am happy to report that it's another little check mark on my "To Do" list that will get me closer to achieving my goals.

Thanks for your patience this past week, my deep thinkers. That's why I love ya!


Spanish lyrics are from La Gitana, by Shakira. By the way, that's an amazon link. I'm an amazon associate.