Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Be Polite With Yourself

I was lying in bed thinking about 100 things that need to get done, which I cannot do because I am sick. Then I start having the internal dialogue: 

Don't worry about it; just rest; there's nothing you can do now; stay in the present moment; why can't I just sleep; blah blah blah ...

until I work myself up to the point of worry at which I started, and get out of bed at 4:00am to do work. As I drag my sorry ass to the computer, I then yell at myself "what are you doing?!" 

Then I sulk, I talk myself back into bed, and yell at myself for not allowing my body to rest. This yelling and mini-war is inside my head. Not that I don't talk to myself and answer myself out loud most of the time, because let me tell you, crazo over here certainly does that. 

But not last night. All my fussing was inside. And inside my brain it was very noisy. It reminded me of this Seinfeld episode where Elaine is stuck on the train and tries to will it to move forward:

That's a classic New Yorker moment. Ever since I saw that episode I learned not to do that on the train. let me rephrase that. I learned to stop myself when I actually do that on the train. But that doesn't mean I don't do that in every other facet of my life. 

It's no wonder I'm always stressed out. Because I stress myself out. Many times we are the cause of our own misery. Especially in situations like this.

What am I learning through all of this? When I start to yell at myself, I have to stop. If I wouldn't treat anyone else that way, then why am I beating myself up? 

 I have to remember that I am a friend to myself. I am my own friggin' hero and I should not be yelling at my hero. 

Just like that line in Eat Pray Love, "you must be very polite with yourself...." 
Yes. We must. 


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