Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dream Like No One Is Watching

Often times, when I'm chasing my dreams, I feel excitement in me as well as panic. How  the hell  do I reconcile these feelings? 

I want to act. I love it. It thrills me. It challenges me. I feel alive doing it.

But acting is not what gets me paid at the moment. I have a "career" that I do not love, but it gives me a salary and benefits.

Love what I do = have no money?

Hate what I do =pay the bills?

I've told myself I am prepared to quit my job if I get a part. Really? Because the last time I checked I had no savings. I don't make big bucks like people think. I don't make six figures. I'm no where close to that kind of cash. But I've got plenty of bills bills bills.

But my mother said something to me recently that really struck a chord. She said, "While at my job I was still searching for work that I would love. But I had you two girls, and I was so afraid that what I would love would not be enough to sustain us. So I stopped."

I don't want to ever say that.

I don't want fear + money to be the reason I stop pursuing a dream.

I do know this: no one can ever take away my education. So I can go the rest of my life being worried about paying my bills or I can LIVE.

There is nothing streamlined about creativity or pursuing your dream. If there were a job posting that said:
Wanted: Someone willing to pursue their dream, help the world in the process, with excellent pay, full benefits, retirement in 20 years 
I would've been on that line a long time ago, and I'd probably never retire.

But there's no such line for me. If I want my job to be "Actress," then I gotta want it. Love it. Need it in my bones. And I DO! So I need to forget financial "stability" and just choose happiness.

I've started planning so I can earn enough income to survive, and am treating my dreams like a business, meaning I'm being strategic about every move I make. No matter how reckless it may seem to the outside world, this is a real life goal and I'm going for it.

Life is fleeting. 

So, go ahead. Plan. Dream. Achieve. And do it like no one is watching.