Thursday, October 15, 2009

You left your guilt on the floor and I tripped right over it.

You left your guilt on the floor and I tripped right over it.

I work full time at a job I hate, I'm driving around with this ludicrous idea that I should be an actor, I have responsibilities to my family that I am not able to shrug off, and I waste precious time blogging or editing my blog. I might as well go into the subway and yell into the station about my day and about my dreams.

I DO A LOT.


My hours at work are crazy, and yet - I drive my sister to work practically every weekend, and I run around doing errands for my mother, on my weekend – the only time I have for myself.
My boyfriend feels neglected because I don't go to see him; my friends feel neglected because I don't go to visit them; my family feels neglected because I don't have more time for them.

 


I FEEL NEGLECTED.


I should be psyched about my trip to Aruba. I'm not. I should've gone alone. Or I should've opted out. There's too much to do and no time to do it.

I've got to find more time. The roof needs to be done, the apartment needs to get rented, and there isn’t enough time. I've got to get a new job, I've got to take more acting classes, I want to start painting again, and there isn’t enough time.


I CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE. I AM HOWEVER, VERY GOOD AT FALLING FOR GUILT TRIPS. AND SO I TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE.

I need more time for ME. Why? Because I WANT TO ACT. And I LOVE MY BLOG.

I appreciate my family, my boyfriend, and my friends. How can I show them this without sacrificing ME?

I just NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME RESPECTING MY OWN NEEDS, wants and desires. Even if it’s unsettling to those around me, and even if everyone isn’t happy with the result all the time.
THEY GOTTA GET USED TO IT.

I am a supermujer. a normal person. I cannot do it all.


Have you ever felt that way?


*picture is of me at work